Tag: Breast Cancer

Do you dare to have a vision after a year like 2020?

jendhooper

2020’s reminded me of an illustration I heard Priscilla Shirer give a while back. If you were to hold a full cup of water with your arm outstretched and someone came and bumped your arm, it’s going to spill out, right?! The same applies to the cups of our hearts when life bumps us – we’ve all been jostled this year. What spilled out of our hearts? 


This is usually one of my favorite times of  year. A time to reflect on the year and dream about the next. This year’s been more of a struggle though. I feel as though the last few weeks everything has hit me like a ton of bricks. 2020 brought A LOT of challenges … for everyone. Not only a global pandemic, unrest surrounding racial injustice, and divisive politics, but also personally being diagnosed with breast cancer and both of my grandpa’s going home to be with Jesus. In fact, we just finished live streaming my grandpa’s (on my mom’s side) funeral as I write this.


It’s been a struggle to put into words what I’ve felt this week. 2020 started full of ideas and goals. This year my mom moved in with us (although we knew this was God’s timing, we had no idea how much of a blessing this would end up being as the year unfolded), the pandemic hit, my youngest child asked Jesus in her heart, my best friend and I started a podcast, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my best friend was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, so many friends and family members came to visit and pray over me, my mom took a bad fall, I started this blog, and like I previously mentioned, lost both of my grandpa’s. Ya’ll through everything this year, our house has been filled with worship and praise.


So, why on earth after everything we’ve been through am I falling apart NOW when it seems like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel?? I believe it’s multiple reasons. I experienced a supernatural strength during my diagnosis and I believe God gives this to help us walk through difficult times. Now everything is hitting me HARD. The only way I know how to describe this is the supernatural adrenaline has stopped … it feels like a form of post trauma.

Yesterday as Tim and I went running, I poured my heart out to him about my identity being shaken, wanting to serve God and feeling like He can’t use me in recovery. He reminded me that we were made to worship. The boy, whose lunch fed the 5,000, went that day to worship Jesus – to BE with Jesus and to abide in His presence. He DIDN’T pack a lunch for 5,000. I’m guilty of stressing about the serving and this ISN’T the service Jesus wants! It sounds so simple doesn’t it? So why do I have to complicate it?? I don’t have to fear what’s next, what to write, what to say, or what this hormone treatment will do to me because my only job is to do what He’s put in front of me (pack my loaves and fish) and worship!


For 2021, my word is “Abide”. I’m choosing to live every day, one day at a time. There are many things in my life that I wish I could hurry through. I wish that my hair would grow faster, that my body would heal faster, that the next 10 years that I have to take this hormone treatment would fly by. But really, I don’t want to miss out on the journey. So that’s why I’m choosing this year to sit at the feet of Jesus and live fully in TODAY. Enjoy every moment. Yes planning is all fine and good, but as we learned from 2020, plans can change. Mine changed drastically with the 6 letter word C-A-N-C-E-R.


Tim and I always pick a word for the year and have a dream board night where we find pictures of things we want to focus on that have to do with mind, body, soul and spirit. I remember the first year we created dream boards was at the company Tim worked for. I had found a picture of 4 women linking arms (obviously friends) and I had made it my focus to have friends because, as I’ve shared before, that was not always the case. Well, years later, I can say God’s given me those friends. Not just because I glued a picture to a poster board, but because in setting my focus on “showing myself friendly” (Prov. 18:24) it was constantly on my radar. But, this year I’m having a hard time dreaming because I’m gravely reminded of how things can change – what can easily appear to be for the worse. So, this year my dream board is going to look a little different. It’s been hard to see the forest from the trees, if you will. So, Tim has been shedding a lot of light/truth over me and one of the many reasons I’m so thankful for him. He encouraged me to make my dream board more of a 5-year vision and for this year, focus on abiding/healing. I decided to put pictures and verses on my board reminding me of the things God’s shown me throughout 2020 and who He says I am! As difficult as this past year was, it was also filled with such sweet moments with my Jesus. I’ve never felt more close to Him than I have in this year. Now, I need to be reminded of this as I’m struggling mentally. I need to remember the things God has done this year to continue moving forward in my mind, body, soul and spirit.


So how do you dare to dream and what does your vision look like when you’re scared to dream? The answer I’ve found is simply in a question I must ask myself EACH day. When life’s going smoothly, is worship filling my heart? When I’m bumped, or jostled by life, will WORSHIP come spilling out? Am I abiding at the feet of my Jesus EACH day?


~Jen

Fighting for Joy (part 1)

jendhooper

In December of 2019, I discovered a bump on my chest located on the right side that protruded quite a bit and would have been visible if I had worn a shirt low enough. I chalked it up to something muscular because of the location of the bump and the fact that I’d been struggling with some pretty bad knots directly behind it on my back. Due to an ear infection, I finally decided to go to the doctor and also ask about the bump. I was convinced that it was nothing. Maybe it was a cist or I was going to need some sort of needle therapy (thinking it was the knots in my back) … I HATE needles! My doctor sent me to UVA for a mammogram. Because of my age, they told me that they wanted me to get an ultrasound instead. It took a LONG time. Finally, he finished and said they also wanted a mammogram. At this point, red flags are starting to go up. After what seemed like more pictures than necessary, another doctor came in and told me they wanted to do another ultrasound and that when it was done they promised we would talk. Tears started to flow during this ultrasound knowing that this wasn’t looking good. He said that he didn’t like what he saw and that there were a couple other spots that looked concerning. They wanted to do a biopsy and I asked if my husband could come in with me and hear what the doctor had to say. Because of COVID19, it was a miracle that they actually let him in.

They scheduled my biopsy for the next day. I had no idea what a biopsy even was and I was terrified. I get super squeamish regarding needles or when you start talking about ANY kind of procedure. In fact, I passed out the first time they drew blood when I was pregnant with my oldest child. Even the arm rest they use over the chair didn’t hold me. Yep, I slid right out of that seat and onto the floor. Ok, so are you tracking?  Now, back to the biopsy. I almost had a panic attack walking into the doctors office. As I’m writing this, I’m starting to shake again, just remembering those feelings. BUT GOD, showed up in that room in a very real way. Not only did I feel like my doctor and one of the nurses was a christian, but they turned on worship music for me. One of the songs that came on was “In Christ Alone”.  As they started the procedure I had this amazing peace wash over me and I went from fidgety and feeling like I was going to pass out to completely still. I felt as if I were laying right at Jesus’ feet. And anytime I would start to think about what the doctors were doing, I would feel Jesus whispering, “No, I’m right here. Take my hand. I’ve got you!” And peace would sweep over me again. It was a moment I will never forget.  

I love how Becky Thompson in her book “Peace” explained that miracles happen. The feeding of the five thousand didn’t have an endless supply of bread and fish. There was an end to it. Along with many other miracles in the Bible. I believe this shows us that we will always have a continuous need for Christ. He didn’t give me endless peace. He gave me peace in the moment I needed it most. All that to say, when I got home it was a healing process that I wasn’t expecting. The nurse told me before I left that I was not allowed to lift over a half gallon of milk and that I COULD NOT STIR or any other repetitive motion. YA’LL!!!! Baking is my thing! I absolutely LOVE getting in the kitchen and baking cookies and cakes. Stirring is kind of a prerequisite for baking. But not only that, I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling in my chest and and a squeamish sort of pain that lasted for several days. It was a constant reminder of what I had just been through and the fear of the unknown. What is it? Is it cancer? Is it benign? My family and friends were praying for the latter, but I was conflicted as to how to pray. I just wanted God’s will. Whatever He chose. Personally I didn’t want to go through cancer, surgery, or whatever else might be on the horizon. But, I had a feeling in my gut that wouldn’t go away. We watched a sermon that Sunday about finding joy in trials by Andy Stanley. A heaviness swept over me like I’d never felt before and by the end of the message, I couldn’t stop crying. Tim and my mom came around me and were trying to console me and tell me that everything was going to be ok. But I knew! I had cancer!

I felt so strongly that between our ministry at The Journey Home and our Enough podcast and my intense desire to encourage women in our identity in Christ, God wanted me to walk through this so I could feel it for others because this was one area that I couldn’t relate to until now. I knew I was to take note of my feelings and thoughts through this process. I felt the weight of what I was about to go through along with an intense gratitude that God was entrusting this journey to me. He was giving me a voice. Without realizing it, I had asked for this. Tim and my mom were praying that I was wrong. But the next day, May 18th, the call came. It was breast cancer. The praise was that my lymphnodes did not appear to be cancerous, but that the second spot (although it didn’t appear to be cancerous) still didn’t look right. My body was shaking uncontrollably like it knew what I was about to experience, but my mind was strong. I felt a wave of gratitude sweep over me and I genuinely felt that God gave me a gift and I felt honored that God entrusted me with this journey. God has given me a supernatural amount of strength and peace. I can only give praise to Jesus for my mindset during this time. I was ready to drop to my knees and give Him praise while also dreading what I was about to walk through. 

I don’t know what you are facing right now, but I can guarantee that Jesus is with you. You haven’t done anything wrong to deserve this, but if you keep your eyes on Jesus, then these could be some of the sweetest days filled with an intense amount of peace.

~Jen